Happy Birthday Big Guy

My baby, my first born turns 10 today. 10! I am in shock. I can't believe my baby is 10 yrs old. I cant believe that 10 years ago I became a Mom. I have been thinking about this day for some time...I should have written this post out before now...I think I didn't partly because it didn't seem real. Here I am writing this just mere minutes after he was born 10 years ago.... I bet right about now would be the time they brought him back to me after weighing him( 7 lbs 14 oz) and measuring him(20 inches) and cleaning him up. Once they laid him on me his blue eyes locked with mine he stopped crying. I know they cant see clearly but our faces were darn close let me bask in what lil memories I have left OK?! I cant believe it was 10 years ago. Now he is playing tackle football,has braces, is turning girls heads like I knew he would with those blue eyes, and he is so oblivious to the girls looking at him. He is still innocent and sweet and gullible. He still believes in the tooth fairy and Santa.

He is a mirror image of me but not in looks, in how we behave. Which causes me to clash with him. We butt heads a lot. He annoys me and pisses me off....all because I see so much of me in him. I just hope he turns out to be better than me. Better at everything. I bet that is what my Mom hoped for me. I hope that he learns from my mistakes, takes the things he dislikes about me or what I have done and tries to do better/be different/to change. At the very least that is what I hope for.

I really wanted to include pictures but it was such a busy day that I was not able to scan any. I will add them Wed.In August I watched a Post Secret clip that had a secret that nearly had me on the floor in the fetal position, I was sobbing so terribly....it was written on a balloon I think it was "It's a boy" ...On it was written " When we decided to keep you your life wasn't the only one saved." It still brings me to tears.Choosing to keep him when I didn't want a baby ended up
saving me. I struggled with the decision before I chose to keep him and after I chose I thought I was fine. Realizing that my first instinct to not keep the baby was what I really wanted and what I should have done; that I wasn't ready to have a baby hit me about 4 months after he was born...I worked through it, I couldn't change my mind then...couldn't give him back or go back in time...It was tough but somehow I made it through.

It wasn't' until maybe a couple of years back that I was hit with the realization that having him saved my life. Before I became pregnant I was headed down a road I know now I would have never survived.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, I felt that way 10 years and 8 months ago even though I didn't know why, I feel even more strongly today that everything that happens is meant to be for one reason or another. We may never know why at the time, only to find out later or we may never ever know why . I am content in just believing.
Happy Birthday Big Guy, Mommy Loves you.
(Date and time of Post reflect the date and time of birth)

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This was the first picture taken of my baby...we had just gotten home from the hospital, he was only a day and a half old!
Here he is almost 3 months old..it was the first big smile I got on film...then he goes back to serious...but look at those eyes!In the next 2 he is just a few days shy of 10 months old...he was teething...


Here is one of the many First Birthday photos I took...It is my favorite.