Buh-bye 2008 Hello 2009!

Just wanted my last post of 2008 to be a little more upbeat. I thought I'd snag Janet's idea that she snagged but when looking for a photo for each month of 2008 I found out that I didn't take photos every month. I don't make New Years resolutions but I will take photos every month in 2009, and more of my kids too! I'll be getting a new camera in 2009 so that should help! ;)


I will share with you a couple of photos I meant to share but just never got around to it, of Mouth at his preschool performance. The quality is really crappy but you will get the idea. At the beginning of the program he had something he just needed to take care of.
He got it. After the first song he blew kisses to the crowd, which made everyone laugh, which made him do it after EVERY song! I didn't get a picture of that. But I did try to get one of his extremely expressive face while he was singing.
He is called Mouth for a reason!

I hope everyone has a very Happy New Year!!

Broken

Every time I start to think about what I have to do Wednesday my eyes well up with tears.

His world is going to come crashing down.

I know I shouldn't fear the unknown but I just can't seem to help it. I created this, I'm to blame for misleading him and letting it go on for so long.

Letting him believe.

I know he needs to know. That the time has come, that he is old enough to understand, but is he really ready?

I'm going to hurt my baby and there is nothing I can do to stop the pain, nothing I will be able to say or do to make it all better because I'm the one the caused it in the first place.
I don't know how I am going to tell him what I have to without choking on my tears.
The shrink thinks that he is going to be angry, that it is best to tell him in the shrinks office. That is why there is a set day.

I'm trying to look at it as a new beginning, for a new year. A clean slate. The elephant won't be in the room anymore. The secret will be out. I hope that I will feel a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I hope that his world will not come crashing down, that he'll be able to say I knew something wasn't right but could never put it to words. I know that is asking for a lot.

It's not that I don't want him to know. I never meant for it to be a secret, but it has turned into one. The day he asked me why his last name was different from the rest of ours, I should have told him then. I thought he was too young to understand. I told him that his last name was my maiden name, that when I had him Daddy and I had not married yet. That is the truth, but not the whole truth.

I know, as do most people, that any boy can father a baby, but that it takes a man to be a Dad. I just don't think an 11 year old boy is going to see that. I hope some day soon that he will. So I fear the unknown and I cry not because I have to tell him, but for the pain that my words will cause him, for the trust that is going to be broken. I hope that time does in fact heal all things.
It just better not take that damn long!

Macro Monday

The lovely and talented Lisa from Lisa's Chaos started up Macro Monday awhile ago. I finally have something to share! Not that I have a Macro lens, nor do you need one to play, but I did get a close up of a couple Christmas ornaments.


Snowman jingle bell, my Mom got this for Mouth the Christmas he was in my belly.
"The Cow says... MOOOOOOOOO." Yes, it works.The peace dove

This one makes me think of both of my Grandma's and how they loved to bake.
Locomotive cookie cutterWhen I was looking closely at the tree to take the above photos I found these 2.
Why is Spider-Man slinging his web at my baby's first Christmas ornament? What did that baby bear ever do to him? Oh wait. That's the dark Spider-Man. He was an asshole. Good thing he tore that suit off of him or else Venom wouldn't have been created.

What's that you say? You have no idea what I'm talking about? All I have to say is, 3 boys. I have 3 boys, 4 if you count my hubby. Enough said.

Wonder Fudge and a Wreath

Alternate title, "Put on your drool bib" After my Epic fail whine fest yesterday I thought it would be nice if I shared a couple things I did get marked off of my goody list. First up, Fudge!


This...

plus this(after 7minutes of boiling)makes this...
which then gets spread into pans, like this...which gets chilled, then cut into pieces, which makes wonder fudge ready to give away and eat, like this...
So yummy, yummy!

********Edited to add recipe for Mouthwatering Monday****************

I got this recipe from a friend of mine, not sure if this was hers or passed down from someone in her family. There is only one size jar of Marshmallow fluff and if they used to make 13 oz cans of evaporated milk they don't anymore it's 12 oz. Please use at least a 4qt. saucepan, the sugar and milk bubble up something fierce! Oh, and you might want to do some strength training on your stirring arm to build up the muscles needed to stir this concoction and then to cut it up! Enjoy! Let me know how it turns out!

Wonder Fudge

4 – 12 oz pkgs. Semi-sweet chocolate chips

8 or 13 oz. Marshmallow crème

3 cups chopped nuts

½ lb. Melted margarine

2 tsps. Pure vanilla extract

4 cups sugar

1 – 13 oz. Evaporated milk

In a large bowl, mix together the chocolate chips, marshmallow crème, nuts, margarine and vanilla. Set aside.

In a 4-qt. Heavy saucepan, mix sugar and evaporated milk. Stir constantly to prevent scorching. Bring sugar and milk to a full boil. Cook on high heat for seven (7) minutes. The mixture must be cooked for a full seven minutes, no less and no more.

Pour this hot mixture over the first mixture of chocolate, nuts and crème. Blend thoroughly until all of the chocolate chips are melted.

Pour into buttered pans and chill. Cut into cubes. Yields approximately 5 lbs. of YUM!

Do not double this recipe. If you want more, make it twice.

It can be made without nuts.

I only have the finished picture of my Holiday Wreath, which at the moment is over half gone!
It turned out to be a very Grinch-y green.

Today was my Grandma P's Birthday. She loved baking and all things sweet. She never stopped baking after she was diagnosed with Diabetes. I don't think it stopped her from taste testing it either! Happy Birthday Grandma. I love you and miss you.

Epic Fail

I feel like a failure. I get a big fat fail. I didn't get all of my Christmas goodies made.The Gingerbread cookie dough is made and chillin in the fridge but I just haven't gotten around to rolling it out and making the cookies. Fail!
Then there are the sugar cookies. I actually got them made, but haven't gotten them decorated yet.
I didn't do all of the crafts that I wanted to do with my kiddos. Some of these crafts were going to be gifts.Fail!
I didn't send out any cards, or gifts. I even had a few gifts to give and still didn't get them packed and in the mail. I started a Merry Christmas post to wish all of my blog friends a Merry Christmas and I failed at that too. Then there is the Christmas CD I wanted to make and give as a gift to a few of my friends, I got as far as making the "gift" play list in my itunes.FAIL!
This is a horrible pitty party. I feel like saying,"It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to."

All my goodies will get made, I will complete that list. I have everything I need to make it all, so it will not go to waste! The kids still feel like it is Christmas. They have over a week left of their Christmas break. It's all better late then never, right? RIGHT?!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Holiday! We did, despite my failure!

Rum Balls

My Grandma P.(P for paternal) made Rum Balls for Christmas, along with Divinity and Peanut Brittle. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what my favorite is. Though I do love Peanut Brittle, I'm just not skilled enough to make it!

For your drooling pleasure I give you Rum Balls!

Before:

After a roll in the powder:
In case you are wondering I use nothing but the best rum.
These arrrrrghreat! I'm just sorry you can't smell their aroma.

Christmas Crazy

Today is the day I'm supposed to do the Burg Baby Christmas Crazy. I forgot to ask for the code so when I get that emailed to me I'll have it on top of this post.
I've kept my eye out for some Christmas Crazy, because around here there are at least 21 different flavors of Christmas Crazy. I couldn't find any. I now think that all the crazy's have moved away. I was feeling rather bummed that I was going to miss out on this one when it dawned on me. I may not have 10 differently themed Christmas trees in my home to include one in the powder room, but I keep hearing from others that I am C.R.A.Z.Y. when it comes to baking Christmas goodies.

Here is where I should be inserting the mouthwatering photos of all of my different baked goods but I am so crazy that I like to wait until the last minute, aka: wait until I have to crank it all out now or it will never get made. So I give you my list:
Click it to big it! I will post photos of all the goodies another day for those that wish to drool. One batch of Puppy Chow is made and gone, and 2 of the mini fruit cake loaves are gone.
My Hubby surprised me this afternoon by putting up the lights on the house while I was out running errands. It was so sweet of him to do since the temps were so low and dropping even while he was out there. But he was crazy... he did it all with a step ladder!!
See the crazy precipitation?
Want more Christmas Crazy head over to the Burg Baby and get your fix, or join in!

Middle Man turns 6!

Here we are again. Seems like it wasn't that long ago that I was writing up his 5th Birthday post. Most of you have seen it but feel free to re-visit, I did. There are some adorable photos of the birthday boy!

This year, today was a busy day. It was the first time that threw a big birthday party for any of my children. He wanted his B-day at McD's or at the bowling alley. I am used to just having a couple people over, real low key, simple, NON-STRESSFUL. I can't help it if I get all keyed up trying to make sure that everything is going right, that every child is taken care of. I was flushed and I didn't sit down once. But the day was not about me! Middle Man had a great time. Out of the 20 kids in his Kndg class 6 of them came. His best friend that he kicked from inside my belly was there. A good time was had by all. My baby sure is a ladies man. Out of the 6 kids from his class that came to his party 4 were girls!! No, his class is not heavy on the girls! But how could you not love this face?

First Birthday
2nd Birthday

4th Birthday

5th Birthday (All he wanted for Christmas was his 2 front teeth!)


I can't believe he is 6. It has gone by too fast! I hope he stays as loving and as thoughtful as he keeps growing up. He is just so sweet, and no it's not the icing he seems to keep on his face!

Happy Birthday sunshine.

Kisses

These are just so cute. Just a couple of my favorite decorations. There are more where these came from!

Confession Time

Forgive me father for I have sinned. It has been...well....forever since my last confession, seeing how I have never confessed before. How about a little background first? I was raised Mennonite and Catholic. My parents divorced when I was 7 and the woman my Dad remarried was Catholic. I spent every other weekend with my Mom so that meant one Sunday at my Mom's Mennonite church and one Sunday spent kneeling and crossing myself and even going to CCD. I quit going when it was time to get confirmed because I was not baptized in the Catholic religion. Heck, now that I think about it I was not baptized under any religion. Whoa, I better get back on track. I went to midnight Mass on Christmas Eve...technically midnight on the 25th. I loved midnight Mass. It's probably one of the only things I miss from Catholicism. One of my favorite things from my Mom's side of the family was the creche set or more commonly known as the Nativity Scene. This is also a Catholic thing , so it was present in my Dad's home too. My favorite thing to do was to set up our creche set. Every year I would set it up differently. I would stare at it for hours. I would even rearrange my Grandma's creche set. I have an itty bitty basic one, with only 3 people, but it has sentimental value due to my Mom receiving it from her little sister when my Mom was off at college,away from home.

I bet you are wondering what the heck my confession is.
I don't believe. I'm not religious. I don't go to any church, nor do I care to. Yet I feel so conflicted. The majority of my holiday traditions and decorations are religiously themed/related that it makes me feel... well, conflicted is not the right word to describe how I feel. I don't know what word is. I can't explain it. I guess part of me feels like I'm in the wrong somehow. Why do I keep decorating and doing things that I don't believe in? I do it because of the memories they hold. I do the things I do because of tradition, not because of some religious belief. It's decoration, just like Santa and all my snowmen. Oh fucking well. I wonder how many Hail Mary's I'll need to do for this one. Now, if I could just find my Rosary!

Bring on the trolls! Just remember: I am rubber, you are glue, everything you say to me, bounces off me and sticks to you! ;)

I wish...

I wish that there was truth in advertising. At the moment, I would really love to open up my Victoria's Secret catalog and see models with any excess on them anywhere except their boobs. But what really irks me is why they don't show the models with one boob slightly larger than the other. Let's face it, the majority of women have one ta-ta that is bigger than the other one.
I guess I'll just keep dreaming!

We will be getting our Christmas tree this week. I hope that helps me get into the spirit. I framed one of my favorite holiday paintings yesterday, one my oldest did when he was 5.
It makes me smile every time I look at it!

Hello

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....Our first snowfall, if you can call it that! I think it is pretty cool it happened on the first of December!

The wreath hanging on front of my house, by the front door. It isn't a Christmas wreath, I just add seasonal fake flowers to it. In the spring it will be tulips and daffodils.
Now I just need to get into the spirit. I'm lacking at the moment. I do admit to feeling like a small child when I saw snow this morning, even if it was for a brief moment. I did add my Christmas play list to my ipod. Maybe the spirit will hit me once I put up my X-mas decorations.
Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!