with the same amount of determination.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Actively Inactive
My Mom is sad.
I have thought for YEARS that she is Bipolar.
She verbalized to me today that she doesn't want to be here anymore.
I thought she meant her house. Living next door to her ex-husband, my father, who has rats setting up home in his backyard, which borders hers.
I made her clarify.
I didn't like her clarification.
She told me my oldest tried to get her to promise that she would be at his High School graduation. I know no one can make a promise like that. But he sees and senses things that maybe I have been choosing to push aside. I don't think I have ignored them but I am at a loss as to how to help her. I can not force her to see a psychologist. I don't know how many years I have suggested it to her. She may actually seek out that kind of help this time. She has tried to take care of her health before for the sake of seeing her grandsons grow up. I hope she does so now.
Reality sucks. I know that she will not live forever. For years I have said that I will have to be put away when my Mom dies. Whenever I think about the reality that she will be gone someday my heart literally aches.
She just can't leave us willingly.
She wasn't suicidal. I can't help but wonder what difference there is between being suicidal and trying to off yourself or feeling so low that your don't want to be on this earth anymore and just not taking care of yourself, that in your lack of giving a fuck you slowly commit suicide by choosing to not do anything.
There isn't much of a difference, is there?
I have thought for YEARS that she is Bipolar.
She verbalized to me today that she doesn't want to be here anymore.
I thought she meant her house. Living next door to her ex-husband, my father, who has rats setting up home in his backyard, which borders hers.
I made her clarify.
I didn't like her clarification.
She told me my oldest tried to get her to promise that she would be at his High School graduation. I know no one can make a promise like that. But he sees and senses things that maybe I have been choosing to push aside. I don't think I have ignored them but I am at a loss as to how to help her. I can not force her to see a psychologist. I don't know how many years I have suggested it to her. She may actually seek out that kind of help this time. She has tried to take care of her health before for the sake of seeing her grandsons grow up. I hope she does so now.
Reality sucks. I know that she will not live forever. For years I have said that I will have to be put away when my Mom dies. Whenever I think about the reality that she will be gone someday my heart literally aches.
She just can't leave us willingly.
She wasn't suicidal. I can't help but wonder what difference there is between being suicidal and trying to off yourself or feeling so low that your don't want to be on this earth anymore and just not taking care of yourself, that in your lack of giving a fuck you slowly commit suicide by choosing to not do anything.
There isn't much of a difference, is there?
Friday, August 7, 2009
Here Kitty,Kitty
The day we left Jenni's place, the boys wanted to go see the kittens one more time. They each got to pick out their favorite one and have their picture taken with it. If you thought I was going to say "...pick out their favorite one and bring it home." consider yourself bitch slapped! We have 2 cats already. I don't even want the ones we have. I'm not bringing anymore cats into my home!
The oldest (blog name-the boy needs a blog name)
Middle Man
Mouth
I think the oldest and the youngest picked the same cat as their fave.
The oldest (blog name-the boy needs a blog name)
Middle Man
Mouth
I think the oldest and the youngest picked the same cat as their fave.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Cowboy Kitty
It took everything I had in me not to give this post the title I really, really wanted to. Cowboy Kitty was my 5th choice.
More pictures from the kitty ranch.
"I want to mount that stallion!"
Mount
Dismount
More pictures from the kitty ranch.
"I want to mount that stallion!"
Mount
Dismount
Monday, August 3, 2009
Taking in a lil' Prairie Air
I got to hang out with Jenni again while I was in Kansas this summer. We also had a little brunch in April, and we talked for hours. We probably could have kept talking for many, many more. We met for the first time a year ago. We popped each others cherries,went for a long hot walk, and I got really embarrassed by the things my boys said. This time we were blessed, yet again, and got to go out to her lovely home. We even had a sleep over! Squeal!! The weather was much cooler, no lost boys, but the one thing I can always count on are my boys embarrassing me! No funny stories about that this time, I have tried to block out all the embarrassing things they did! ;)
We had such a wonderful time. My boys LOVE going out to her place. I LOVE going out to her place. Their home is so beautiful and their land is just breathtaking. Most of all I really enjoyed their company. Jenni and Danny were the best hostess/host. We stayed up late talking(I felt like we kept them both up WAY past their bedtimes) and when we woke up Jenni was already making breakfast. We didn't leave until noon or one(which on the drive home I felt extreme guilt over, thinking that we totally overstayed our welcome) because the conversation just kept on flowing. I really could talk to them for days. Their kids are older than ours(their youngest and our oldest are the same age-maybe Na is a year older) which makes them parenting gurus in my eyes. I have much to learn. I hope that their kids weren't too weird-ed out by our invasion of their space. I really, really hope that we will have many more get-togethers in our future!
Pictures!!! At least this time I took more than just ONE!!
This one is my favorite!
I have even more photos! I can squeeze 2 more posts out of the photos I took, maybe even 3!! Not that I have reader's sitting on the edge of their computer chairs anymore...Oh well.
Jenni's post on this years visit can be found here! GO there NOW! Satan is calling!
We had such a wonderful time. My boys LOVE going out to her place. I LOVE going out to her place. Their home is so beautiful and their land is just breathtaking. Most of all I really enjoyed their company. Jenni and Danny were the best hostess/host. We stayed up late talking(I felt like we kept them both up WAY past their bedtimes) and when we woke up Jenni was already making breakfast. We didn't leave until noon or one(which on the drive home I felt extreme guilt over, thinking that we totally overstayed our welcome) because the conversation just kept on flowing. I really could talk to them for days. Their kids are older than ours(their youngest and our oldest are the same age-maybe Na is a year older) which makes them parenting gurus in my eyes. I have much to learn. I hope that their kids weren't too weird-ed out by our invasion of their space. I really, really hope that we will have many more get-togethers in our future!
Pictures!!! At least this time I took more than just ONE!!
This one is my favorite!I have even more photos! I can squeeze 2 more posts out of the photos I took, maybe even 3!! Not that I have reader's sitting on the edge of their computer chairs anymore...Oh well.
Jenni's post on this years visit can be found here! GO there NOW! Satan is calling!
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