Beautiful Day

This past Saturday was a beautiful day. The high was in the low 70's. Middle Man wore shorts. I mowed the lawn. I had the windows open. I forced the tween to go to the park with us. The weather was too beautiful not to be outside and I was sure that it was the last one we were going to have for many months.

For not wanting to be there, and not wanting me to take pictures of him I got some really kick ass shots!

I am still playing with my camera. Using different settings. Trying to figure out how to use it. It's usually a lot of hit or miss. The last 2 is an example of the same shot taken with different settings. I like them both!

I love how this is just a silhouette.

I did a Guest post!

I'm stoked! Today marks my very first guest post!! Woo Hoo!!!

A long time ago Jenni asked me to do a Musical Monday guest post. I finally did one and got it to her. It's all the same artist but that's what I was feeling at the time. I promise that my taste in music is far more varied. Another Musical Monday guest post will prove it!

A Thanksgiving Past

When I was a little girl Thanksgiving was a big deal. It was a time when all of my Mom's family would gather at her parents farm and give thanks. Everyone would wear their Sunday best. The tables were decorated lovingly by my Grandma. Each setting with it's own little cup of nuts-n-candy corn. She paid so much attention to the details.Those mini-cups of nuts-n-candy were one of my favorite things, along with the sweet tea in beautiful green glasses, and the singing of The Doxology (each year a different family member would start us off..."Praise God from whom all blessings flow..."), my Grandpa's farm weathered,wrinkled hands clasped in prayer and thanks. One of my all time favorite things was watching the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade with my cousins while the adults were busy preparing the meal.

I always dreamed of someday getting to see the parade with my own eyes.

In 2001 that dream came true.

I feel so blessed that I was able to go. We even went to view the balloons on the street as they were being filled.

Seeing Willard Scott up on that turkey was unbelievably cool!!

I forgot my extra roll of film. So I didn't take as many photos as I had planned on.

I'd like to take all 3 of my boys to the parade someday. Only the tween got to go. What makes me sad is that the only thing that really sticks out in his mind about going was his Daddy being mean and grumpy. Daddy doesn't like crowds. 3 million plus and a jam packed subway = a grumpy, stressed out Daddy. Here is where a photo of the grumpy daddy would go nicely if only I were allowed to post his picture on my blog. But I respect his wishes! :-)

I'll share a few of my favorites that are probably really crappy scans, since they are from our first scanner not our current. Ya get what ya get!

Happy Thanksgiving!!! I am so thankful for so much, but I'd like to let you know that I'm thankful for all of the friends that are in my life that I never would have if it weren't for blogging. May you and your families be blessed.

Sweetest Perfection

I have an addiction.

Okay! So I have many addictions. We're just going to focus on the one today. gah!

I love this time of year. It's when the stores start selling all the holiday foods that are only on the shelves for a limited time, just shy of 2 months. Not long enough, in my opinion.

I've had my eye on the lookout since the start of November.

Wednesday November 18th I saw them for the first time in 2009.

My favorite treat.

*sigh*

*swoon*

*drool*

I love these with a passion.

I love them so much that I only share a couple with my boys.

My hubby gets on me about that, and I don't give a fuck!

Momma deserves a lil' somethin', somethin' that's all her own.

And booze doesn't count! That's a given.

I feel no shame about keeping my sweet treats (mostly) to myself.

Oh no!

My shame?

It resides in my freezer, and this year it just might get it's own shelf.

Attitude Adjustment

First things first. My blog had a facelift. If you are just lurking in the reader you should click on over and check it out. I thought it was time for a change. I found the cool template but it needed a few tweaks. My totally awesome blogger bud, Blue Momma made me the beautiful font in my header. Not only did she make that in photoshop, she helped me out with trying to figure out how to get it into my Html template. She ROCKS!!!! Thanks, babe!

And now, back to your regular scheduled programming!

I remember back in September I didn't want to turn my calendars to October. They were stuck on August. Each flip of the month brought me closer to November, a month I didn't want to get to. When it was finally time to turn the page to November, I did it without really thinking about what it meant. Then I saw the saying for November, and I laughed!

It was ironic. I felt like my calendar was trying to give me a message. At the time I flipped it I had been feeling pretty angry about my hubby's impending departure and my year without him, all alone. Of course not at him. But I was pretty mad. And sad and apprehensive. So when I saw this

It made me laugh. I felt just like how she looked. I could imagine a foot stomp too.

Because inside I was stomping my feet, pouting, angry, scared and screaming,

"But I don't waaaant you to goooo!!!!"

I'd like to think that my calendar helped me change my feelings about my immanent future. Well, maybe change is a strong word. Tone down my anger, frustrations and apprehensions. Yeah. I know she helped me do that.

Macro Monday Spider

It's time I play Macro Monday again! The lovely and talented Lisa is the Momma of this fun weekly photo series. Anyone can join. Any close up will do.

I took these photo's back in August. I had quite a few spider subjects around my house this summer. This is as close as I got to any of them. I SO need a Macro lens!

Hope you enjoy. Click them to make them bigger, unless you are like me and get the heebee geebees when you look at spiders-then don't do it!!

Want to see more Macros? Head to Lisa's and check out the list and get your fix!

I'm Baaack!!

I want to post more. I miss it. I miss you. For DAYS I've tried to write something and for the life of me I can't even string a flippin' bullet post together! I finally decided to just start writing and see what spews forth!!

I have made it 6 days sans hubby. I count the day he left because we parted at 6 AM! For the record 6 AM is too fucking early in the morning to say goodbye to the love of your life! I was an absolute mess standing outside the airport hugging him goodbye, tears and I'm sure some snot were streaming down my face. I HATE that I can not hold that shit in until he's walked away.

People say I'm strong, but I'm not that damn strong. I think that means I just love him too

damn much!!! ;-)

The week leading up to and the day of departure were the hardest for me. Although I did hang our outdoor X-mas lights the afternoon of Day 1. It was 70 degrees out! How could I not?! Even I impressed myself that day!! Day 2 through 6 have been surprisingly tear free. Well, except for yesterday. But I think that was due to weather and frustration with myself for feeling like a complete and utter failure with my kids. I'm so on EDGE. I feel like a huge ball of tension and stress. Any cry of "Mommy!" is more than likely snapped back with a yelling, or screaming

"WHAT?" One of the times I did that and MM said sadly,"I got two of my bonus words correct." I felt like the biggest piece of shit in the whole wide world. OK. That makes me tear up again!

I'm working on this. Change subject!

I have my very own dinner story to tell!! I know I'm no Janet, and if you haven't read her very latest Birthday Dinner post, leave NOW and go read it. Where have you been? Living under a rock? On with mine...

Last night my Mom took us out to eat. Mouth and MM wore their Packer jerseys to school yesterday. MM left his jacket on at the restaurant while Mouth chose to take his off. A couple had to walk past our table to be seated and the guy said, "Go Packers!!"

Mouth replied,"Yeah!(said like DUH!) They won last night(still said with an hint of DUH!)

The guy asked Mouth, "Did you watch the game?"

Mouth answered, "Yes, I did!"(sounded like You bet I did! With a hint of dumbass.)

Laughter all around.

The written word does not translate Mouth speak very well. He is extremely expressive with his annunciation and his tone. Not to mention you are missing his über animated facial expressions too! Gawd he was so adorable during that short exchange! I didn't expect him to answer the stranger, nor do it as comfortably as he did.

That boy's a natural.

Mouth and Middle Man

2 peas in a pod!

12

Today my oldest son turns 12.

He still makes messes.

He still looks as adorable when he sleeps(except when his mouth is wide open)
He still gets dirty when he plays
He still loves going to the zoo.
And Toy story is FINALLY making a comeback! The first 2 were his favorite movies.
Too bad he won't be singing "You've got a friend in me" That used to be his favorite song. Now it is "Sweet child of Mine", which he will always be to me, no matter how old he gets, or how much attitude he throws at me.

Happy Birthday small fry.

Boobs-Boogers-n-Balls

First there was the photo of Mouth framed by cow boobies.

Then came Gorilla boogies...

And Lion balls...

I have a long, hilarious road ahead with this boy!

Eye See Macro Monday

On the first day of school I'm the Mommarazzi! It's a wonder my boys still talk to me, but they are not teenagers yet...that time will come! This year on the first day of school I had my "new" camera. I got it this past April. I was taking all kinds of photos.

My oldest likes to wear his hair swept into his eyes. I hate this. He has the most beautiful eyes. At least he let me get all up in his personal space to get this one.
My oldest, my baby, oh how I love his eyes!

Want more Macro? Get Lisa. Or at least check out her Macro Mondays, there's a list of others sharing their Macros!

To the left

One of these trees is doing it's own thing...
(click it to big it)
I just love finding oddities in nature.

I'll Never Forget

Many of you have read this. Maybe even twice. If it's not broke, don't fix it!

I posted the following 2 years ago on September 11th, 2007.

It was a Tuesday.

It was a beautiful morning, sun shining, not a cloud in the sky, dew on the grass, a nice comfortable temperature….a great day for a walk. I put the dog on his leash and took my almost 4 yr olds hand. We loved our walks. While we walked I kept thinking about how beautiful the morning was. I started hearing sirens and thought nothing…these were common sounds on our walks. The sirens kept coming. Once we reach the park I don’t hear a break in the sirens. They are continuous…over and over and over…they come and come and come. They keep coming. They don’t stop. It is eerie. A lady came out of her apartment, comes to me and says,”2 planes just hit the World Trade Center.” I don’t believe her. It sounds too wrong… too unreal…I thought, “No way! That would never happen! What is this crazy lady talking about?!” She points to the sky. There is big grey cloud…there were NO clouds in the sky that day…now that cloud was the only one. It would grow.

I forced my almost 4 yr old son to come home with me. He protested, I felt bad, but I needed to know, I needed some sort of proof…the lone cloud was not enough.

We get home, turn on the TV and there it was 2 towers, 2 plums of smoke rising from the towers. I am in shock and disbelief. I take my son up to the roof of our 6 floor high rise building. We are 7 miles from the towers…I can see them from up there…I need to see them with my own eyes…I don’t believe what I see on the TV screen.

“Oh my god! It IS real. I see it. Oh my god! What is going on? How is this happening? This is happening in front of me…I see this with my eyes.....

”Mommy, what’s wrong?” I can’t answer him. I don’t know what to tell him…how to tell him. I don’t even know how to explain it to myself…I can’t wrap my brain around it…how can I explain it to my almost 4yr old? I can’t…I don’t know how.

I had my camera with me. I took 2 photos…eerily I snapped the 2 right after the first tower fell…I did not realize until I had the roll developed what I captured. Right before I put my eye to the viewfinder to take the picture I could still see both towers…that is what I thought I was taking a picture of.

Today is a Tuesday…6 years ago that was my morning. It is forever etched in my brain and in my heart. My thoughts and love go out to all who lost a loved one that Tuesday 6 years ago today…

8 years later. I still cry, I still mourn the innocent lives lost, the day our world changed forever.

Long winding road

I hope he always walks down his path...
with the same amount of determination.

Actively Inactive

My Mom is sad.

I have thought for YEARS that she is Bipolar.

She verbalized to me today that she doesn't want to be here anymore.

I thought she meant her house. Living next door to her ex-husband, my father, who has rats setting up home in his backyard, which borders hers.

I made her clarify.

I didn't like her clarification.

She told me my oldest tried to get her to promise that she would be at his High School graduation. I know no one can make a promise like that. But he sees and senses things that maybe I have been choosing to push aside. I don't think I have ignored them but I am at a loss as to how to help her. I can not force her to see a psychologist. I don't know how many years I have suggested it to her. She may actually seek out that kind of help this time. She has tried to take care of her health before for the sake of seeing her grandsons grow up. I hope she does so now.

Reality sucks. I know that she will not live forever. For years I have said that I will have to be put away when my Mom dies. Whenever I think about the reality that she will be gone someday my heart literally aches.

She just can't leave us willingly.

She wasn't suicidal. I can't help but wonder what difference there is between being suicidal and trying to off yourself or feeling so low that your don't want to be on this earth anymore and just not taking care of yourself, that in your lack of giving a fuck you slowly commit suicide by choosing to not do anything.

There isn't much of a difference, is there?

Here Kitty,Kitty

The day we left Jenni's place, the boys wanted to go see the kittens one more time. They each got to pick out their favorite one and have their picture taken with it. If you thought I was going to say "...pick out their favorite one and bring it home." consider yourself bitch slapped! We have 2 cats already. I don't even want the ones we have. I'm not bringing anymore cats into my home!

The oldest (blog name-the boy needs a blog name)

Middle Man
MouthI think the oldest and the youngest picked the same cat as their fave.

Cowboy Kitty

It took everything I had in me not to give this post the title I really, really wanted to. Cowboy Kitty was my 5th choice.

More pictures from the kitty ranch.


"I want to mount that stallion!"
Mount

Dismount

Taking in a lil' Prairie Air

I got to hang out with Jenni again while I was in Kansas this summer. We also had a little brunch in April, and we talked for hours. We probably could have kept talking for many, many more. We met for the first time a year ago. We popped each others cherries,went for a long hot walk, and I got really embarrassed by the things my boys said. This time we were blessed, yet again, and got to go out to her lovely home. We even had a sleep over! Squeal!! The weather was much cooler, no lost boys, but the one thing I can always count on are my boys embarrassing me! No funny stories about that this time, I have tried to block out all the embarrassing things they did! ;)

We had such a wonderful time. My boys LOVE going out to her place. I LOVE going out to her place. Their home is so beautiful and their land is just breathtaking. Most of all I really enjoyed their company. Jenni and Danny were the best hostess/host. We stayed up late talking(I felt like we kept them both up WAY past their bedtimes) and when we woke up Jenni was already making breakfast. We didn't leave until noon or one(which on the drive home I felt extreme guilt over, thinking that we totally overstayed our welcome) because the conversation just kept on flowing. I really could talk to them for days. Their kids are older than ours(their youngest and our oldest are the same age-maybe Na is a year older) which makes them parenting gurus in my eyes. I have much to learn. I hope that their kids weren't too weird-ed out by our invasion of their space. I really, really hope that we will have many more get-togethers in our future!

Pictures!!! At least this time I took more than just ONE!!This one is my favorite!


I have even more photos! I can squeeze 2 more posts out of the photos I took, maybe even 3!! Not that I have reader's sitting on the edge of their computer chairs anymore...Oh well.
Jenni's post on this years visit can be found here! GO there NOW! Satan is calling!

The Awesomeness!!

We went to Ks earlier than we had originally planned so the older 2 boys could attend a football camp.
They got to meet a really awesome football player. We have enjoyed watching him play for our favorite college football team. Now he plays for one of our favorite NFL teams. He signed a TON of stuff for all the kids that were at the camp. He took pictures with every single kid. He is AWESOME! I guess it's just that small town mentality that was instilled in him.

Here is my oldest with The Awesomeness

Middle Man with The Awesomeness

I think I was more stoked about seeing him than the kids were. As we were leaving my oldest(he needs a blog name) said, "You should have him sign your mini K-State helmet." It hangs on the rear view mirror of my car. So I said, "Go! Run back over to where he's signing, it looks like he's done. Hurry!" Sure enough when he got over there he was standing up when my oldest asked, "Can you sign this for my Mom?" and The Awesomeness started laughing and said that he always has adults coming up to him asking if he could sign this for their kid, knowing full well it is for the adult. He's never had the request the other way around!
I guess he doubted my big guy, but it really was for his Mom.

So much to do

I don't even know where to start. Which pretty much sums up my life currently.
I spent a month in Kansas. We just got back Monday. I have a TON of photos and stories to tell.
But where to begin?
It seems like every picture I look at belongs in it's very own post. So I went to the first file with my new camera. All the way back to April.

While we were gone for a month the boys and I really missed our Luke.He is the best dog EVER!!! He lets the boys hug him, kiss him, lay on him... he takes whatever they dish out and that's A LOT! Which makes up for his crappy puppy stage. So glad that is over.

Mouth was here

Meow

I can always count on blog inspiration from someone else!! Jenni posted about the new Tiger exhibit at the Zoo. I took pictures too. Even though mine were not as cool as hers (she is far better with the camera than I) I thought I'd share them anyway!


I took these through the super thick glass.


"What chu lookin' at?"

"Humph!!!"
I think this is Tiger for "Piss off!"