Ketchup

I feel the need to play catch up. I'll do my best to keep it short and sweet.

- Hubby came home on R&R in September, for 2 weeks. The boys were all ready for a dog-I was not so much. We adopted a 10 week old heeler mix from a local shelter. She has a neat rescue story, I will tell it sometime. We named her Maggie.

  This was taken June 14,2013 around her estimated 1st Birthday

- My Dad was taken to the hospital on December 15th, after spending 2 and a half days on the floor in his home before getting up and out to get help. We are still unsure what happened. When he was admitted he was dehydrated,had necrotic wounds on both feet, had pneumonia in his right lung, had a blood clot in his right leg,  had cuts on his right knee that were infected(from his knee down to his foot and up his thigh was bright red and hot and swollen) He had surgery on his feet twice(debridement of both wounds, they went all the way to the bone on one foot and even cut off some of his 5th metatarsal bone-Dr said even the bone was infected), the 2nd time he had surgery on his feet they also did debridement of his knee. He was on several antibiotic I.V. Meds. Nearing his one month mark in the hospital insurance was trying to kick him out so he was moved to a diff hospital for a week and then into a skilled nursing unit at a nursing home where he spent almost 4 months there. 

Don't want to get too far ahead chronologically...    

- Hubby arrived home on the first of January. Oh Happy Day!!!

- Jan- April was a mix of working full time( due to not having another work half), dealing with my Dad's bills and overall affairs, working on cleaning up his hoarded home, and trying to balance my home life with the 3 boys and my hubby. Crazy, stressful time!

-April 28th my Dad had to leave the nursing home, so he came to stay with us. For 2 weeks I changed his dressings everyday. At this point I got another work half and was able to take him to appts.

May 12th we took him home. I went with to the Dr appts I had scheduled for him. Went back the following weekend to change his wound dressing and to refill his am/pm pill box.

- May 21st I received a couple of phone calls about my Dad being confused at his dr appts. He was sent to the hospital(his clinics being right by the hospital) he had a 103 temp and was admitted to the hospital for 1 week. I continue to drive an hour and a half one way, once a week to do his wound dressing change and refill is pill box. Sometimes more than that to go to Dr appts. Yes, there are services/ home health care nurse that could do those things so I don't have to but even though I worked hard on his home it is still not to a point where a home health nurse would step foot in, plus there is nowhere to sit, no cleared off flat surface, nowhere to change his dressings. I do all of that at my Mom's.

Things are starting to get better, or maybe I have just adjusted to this crazy, stressful new norm.  

I may or may not do a few backdated posts so I can look back later and remember. What I really want to get to is documenting our adventure in adopting a 2 yr old shelter dog. It's quite different than adopting a puppy. 

Not as short and sweet as I had hoped but there it is. 

Day 221

Missing...

Day 218

I finally bought a helmet so I can ride my bike! The weather has finally started to cool down, it's great weather for biking!

I really like this purple brain bucket!!

Day 215

I got my hair cut today. It had been 5 months since my last cut. I was *way* overdue!!

I'm lovin' it!!!

Day 169, I think

Luke was put to sleep on April 17th.  Feb 1st to April 17th seemed like a very long time. It was a very hard and stressful time. I look back now and think how short the time really was. That I took for granted the time I did have with my Luke. It is so so hard. I miss him terribly everyday. He was my baby, a furry child.
I just can't type about it. I sit here with tears streaming down my face as I type this. I re-read a couple journal notes I wrote the days surrounding his death, thinking I'd just transcribe them here. Reading them did me in. No way I could see through the tears to put it on here.
Trying to move on is hard. He was my shadow, my best friend. I'm still no where near ready for another dog. I still want my dog. My husband might get his wish of me waiting to get a new dog until his return.

Speaking of his return we are nearing the half-way point. I can't wait to have more days behind us than there are ahead of us. That is always nice.

Day 98

Here I am, facing another holiday without him, alone with the kids. I have not even decorated with my Easter stuff. I haven't bought one single thing for the boys. I'm feeling very Easter Grinchy.
I don't even plan on coloring eggs with them. Talk about Bah Humbug. I really don't give a shit. I'm not religious and so my kids don't even know why we celebrate Easter. For all they know it's just a Spring holiday when they get presents in a basket, and hunt for plastic eggs filled with candy and money. I know that's not what its all about but they don't. It makes me sick that they seem so greedy. I created the green monsters that they are.  I'm not going to run out and get them to a church to experience an Easter Sunday service, but something has got to change.

What I find so ironic is the majority of my friends on FB and plurk and even in my everyday life are super religious/full of faith. It's so odd. I feel so odd. Why can't I find people that are more middle of the road, like I am? It is very hard to teach the meaning of holidays to your children when you personally feel so conflicted about the truth behind the stories. I love people that have strong convictions about their faith.
 I question. I doubt. I make little green money hungry monsters of my kids.

Day 89

A week ago I was told that Luke is no longer in remission. I didn't even know he was in remission. So 8 weeks, was how long the "best drug protocol" worked for him. We are currently trying a different drug protocol.

I have run out of hope.

I am trying to come to grips with the reality that I'm not able to buy as much time as I had originally hoped. 

I live in a constant state of worry. Always on high alert with any noises,movements, his eating habits, his bathroom habits... I'm so tired.

I already live in a constant state of worry about my husband. It's really hard to put that on a back burner. 

Worry is one of those things that is pointless, useless. What will be will be. 

Knowing that, doesn't help me stop worrying.