My many views of Christmas

Moving before Christmas SUCKS. I don't recommend it. Avoid it at all costs!!! Unless Christmas isn't your thing, then by all means do it!

We tried to make the best of it.

This was our Merry before we moved.

The teen went out back in the "forest" and cut this down. He even made the paper chain and the star on top!

The day before the movers arrived at the new place we got our official tree. Which looked like this after the movers unloaded our stuff!

We got that room unpacked so that we could decorate the tree, which ended up being just a day before Christmas Eve. Just in the Nick of time! Bwahahahaha!

I snapped a photo right after St. Nick made his stop at our house.

Moving right before Christmas may suck sweaty donkey balls, but my hubby is home safe, our family whole again, and after almost 11 years away this Kansas girl is home!!!

All is right in my world.

I hope you and yours are having a wonderful, blessed holiday season! xoxo

I'll Blow Your Fence Down

Earlier this week, Tuesday to be exact, I woke up at 2AM to the sound of some seriously strong wind gusts. It was so loud and so strong blowing at my bedroom windows I thought they were going to get blown right in! I did turn to my weather app on my phone to see if we were in the middle of some tornado. When I found out we were not I started thinking about the big bad wolf outside my house. I'll huff and I'll puff...I giggled. When the winds finally started to calm down I was able to fall back asleep.

A few hours later when I had to get up, I saw out of my bathroom window that 3 of my 6x6 vinyl fence panels had been blown right off the fence. Not only was the wind gusts strong enough to blow them clean off the fence it blew one panel clear across my yard to the other side of the fence. I'm sure that had something to do with one or both of the other panels coming down but the pieces and panels were spread in my neighbors yard. It got a big WTF from me!!!

See the missing fence panel over to the left of the photo? Yeah. It blew all the way over to the other side!!

Left side...

Right side..... The panel leaning up against the fence is the only one we can still use.

The broken pieces....

That is a REALLY long way for a 6x6 vinyl fence panel to fly!

I should have taken pictures that morning of my fence panels and pieces scattered all over my neighbors yard,but I wasn't thinking clearly. My fence debris blew at least 15-20 feet into their yard. Even a couple of the fence post caps blew off too!

Sibling Window Love

No denying they are related.

Embrace the Blur

There is no laughter without motion.

It still captures all the emotion I wanted, in spite of the blur.

Musical Monday-Lullabies

lullaby: a quiet, gentle song sung to send a child to sleep.

I'd like to share a few of my favorite grown-up lullabies, not your typical Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star or Brahm's Lullaby. These songs are gentle and soothing to me. Sure, they don't always send me to sleep like Dan Gibson's music does(like this), but they are personal.

My husband and I make soundtracks of our love. We both pick songs that convey how we feel. They started out as a mixed tape, have evolved over the years and are currently playlists on our ipods. We are working on our 10th. We average one a year, its like our year in music. His work takes him away from me, sometimes for months, sometimes up to a year at a time. We usually make one prior to the separation. Listening to it while apart helps us make it through. Sometimes it makes me miss him more, but most of the time it makes me feel close to him and is a reminder of our love.

These 3 songs are from 3 different soundtracks of ours.

I picked these videos for the sound quality not for the imagery. Feel free to listen and close your eyes, you won't be missing anything!

I feel like Jenni asking this, what song soothes you? What is your grown-up lullaby?

cross-posted on Jenni's blog

Overheard at the Ortho

I took the tween to an orthodontist appointment today.

The Andy Griffith show was on.

A Mom next to me asked her tween son if he knew the show. I heard her say something about Mayberry when the tween obviously had no clue what the show was. Then she asked, "Do you know who that little redheaded boy is?" Her tween said, "No."

The Mom said, "That is Rob Reiner, he grew up to become a very famous director of some really famous movies."

I laughed out loud. I just couldn't help myself.

SERIOUSLY lady?!

I know I am at least 5 years younger than you (possibly 10- but I'm felling generous) and even I know that the little redheaded boy is Ron Howard.

I wanted to call *her* a meathead!

I was about to call her out when her son was called.

I mean REALLY??!!!! Gah!

Was it the similar male pattern baldness?

Photo credit

Photo credit

I admit the similar haircut is a little uncanny!!

BUT one is grey and the other RED!!!!

One is Meathead the other Opie AND Richie Cunningham!

One directed The Princess Bride the other Willow.

Both have directed Tom Hanks on several movies.

Soon, both will have done a film adaption of one of Stephen King's books.

Okay! I am starting to get a little weirded out!!!

That mom is still a total douche for not knowing the difference AND for misleading the youth!

Alarming Armor

It's late. I'm catching up on blog reading when I hear a loud metal clanging noise.

I'm all, "What the fuck was that?"

I get up to investigate.

It sounded like metal on concrete and the only concrete exposed in this house anymore, thank god, is out in the garage.

Immediately I remember I didn't close the garage doors. "Oh it must be some dog. Or the wind. Yeah it's just the wind." Tiny voice in my head says, "No robbers please."

I yank open the door to the garage and quickly turn on the light.

Whew. No person.

Quick sweep of the garage to make sure I don't trap a do....SCREAM!!! Slam the door shut.

OMG!

I open the door hesitantly only to see it scurry slowly away down my driveway with a hideous clacking noise. Well, you'd scurry slowly too if you were carrying all that armor.

It is safe to say I won't be leaving my garage doors open after dark!!!

Neko

He was my baby before I had any kids.

My Mom recalls when I walked into her place of work carrying him, wrapped in a blanket. He was the size above when I did that.

He chewed up my undies when he was a baby.

Thankfully he outgrew that!!

He loved playing tug of war with a rope bone but never chewed on it.

He loved going for walks.

He loved playing in the snow.

He loved getting his belly rubbed.

He bit my firstborn.

5 years later they were best friends

Come to think of it, he bit all 3 of my boys.

When my Mom took care of him while we lived in Germany he got out of the fence just once, he hid under her porch and tried to attack the mailman.

He really wasn't a viscous dog, just extremely protective of his pack.

He enjoyed eating kitty roca, and feminine pads.

Popcorn and carrots were his favorite people food.

He loved a party.

He was our hoover, our garbage disposal.

He was afraid of thunderstorms.

He is missed terribly.

We love you Neko. Thank you for blessing our family for 13 and a half years.

R.I.P. Neko

December 8, 1996 - July 19, 2010

I heart...

I've spent the past 2 weeks in Ks. I was so glad to be home, even if there was a ton of work to be done here. Not only was I glad to be back in my own home, I had a shocking realization.

I like it here. There are many things I am going to miss when we move.

One of the things I hate about moving every 3 years is that 2 and a half years is JUST long enough to get used to a place, get settled, plant roots...

We have been here for longer than that. This August will mark our 4th year. My roots are further in the ground than I like or care to admit.

I have spent the past 10 years wishing and dreaming of moving back to Kansas. Now that it is becoming a reality I'm not as happy about it as I thought I would be. You'd think that getting what I always wanted would trump all the other stuff. At the moment it's not.

I do love the Kansas sky...

Naturalistic Observation

Have I ever told you how much I love people watching? About as much as I love a box of thin mints, German wine, margaritas, coffee, my hubby, my kids... you get the idea.

Last Friday was my best friend's daughter's High School graduation. I observed much more than I took pictures of. I'll do better next time!

This is the daughter's cute shoes!!! Her equally cute dress was black, yellow, and white. It was a shame she had to hide all that cuteness under the fugly graduation gown!

This is my friend's son. He will graduate next year. He looks totally thrilled to be there. NOT!

I know this is someone's Grandma and Grandpa, but Grandma's coordinating earrings, shoes, and purse made her stand out to my people watching eye. And it made me giggle!

Dude! Seriously?!!!

You think that's bad? It got worse. The nasal cannula wasn't enough so he switched to the mask!

Rosy cheeked Mouth. His hair was sweaty by the end of the ceremony!

Play and enjoy Jack Johnson's People Watching

Mouth Says...

Oh the things that come out of his Mouth!!! I really should write down all of the things that boy says, or at least blog about them more!!!

I still wipe his ass.

When he is done he ALWAYS yells, "Moooommmmyyyyy! I'm alllllll doooooone!"

Today I sung, "Here I come to wipe your butt!(to the tune

of Mighty Mouse) Du naw na naw!"

He said, "You're like Buttwoman."

I said, "Yup, wiping out poop with a single swipe! Keepin' the butts of the world clean!"

He said, "Yeah, and Daddy's like Buttman!"

*sigh* The things that boy says! He could be a comedian!!

Class of What? What?!

I get this email yesterday from the Middle School PTO. It's about 8th grade t-shirts. My son is in 7th grade. Gotta love blanket emails. I looked at the email anyway. I wish that I hadn't.

This is what I saw...

My mind starts reeling.... Oh that's cute, the class of 2014.

Whoa.

Wait a minute.

That means the tween is the class of 2015.

O.M.G.!!

He will graduate High School in 5 years.

O.M.F.G.!!!

5 years from this month my baby boy will be graduating from High School?!

Exactly 5 years from right now he will graduate HIGH SCHOOL!!!

Fuck me!

I've known that it's coming. I'm even checking out H.S.'s where we will be moving, to find the best one for him. But to actually see it?! I was floored.

I'm off to buy a couple of cases of wine. This Full-time Mom is going to be drunk on the job for a while. Bottoms up!

The Mother's Day that wasn't

I've tried not to complain, but here it comes.

When your husband is gone, and no family around, Mother's day ends up being just another day.

Other Mom's are treated to breakfast by their kids. I get a 5 yr old that was upset that he couldn't make me the spread in his minds eye-his older brothers wouldn't help him. I hugged him and told him that next year Daddy would help him make me breakfast(if he's not gone again), and that as he gets older he would be able to make me breakfast someday. It was the thought that counts.

Some Mom's are given bouquets of flowers. I at least got one construction paper flower, thanks to a wonderful Kindergarten teacher.

The only meal out I'll be treated to is one I treat myself to. Alone, with 3 boys in tow. Yeah. I think not.

Today is just like all the other days during this year long separation from my husband. Everything, all the day to day stuff that needs to happen today still falls at my feet. I could let it just sit, but the boys need clean clothes for next week and I don't want them to be the stinky kid in class so they will get baths tonight. I don't want them to starve so I guess I'll make them 3 square meals.

I even asked the 7 yr old and 12 yr old if they could do something nice for me since it was Mother's Day, load up the dishwasher, looks like I'll be doing that too.

So you see, it's just another normal day. It's not special, I'm not pampered.

My 5 yr old was the only bright spot to my day. I guess I should be happy that 1 out of 3 gets it. I need to be happy and thankful that all of my babies are here to celebrate with me. I feel shallow that I want just a little bit more today. And guilty that I feel cheated.

It is what it is. Maybe someday I'll grow up into a mature adult. Today I'm a selfish bitch.

I wish I could have at least spent the day with my Mommy.

Change a mind

What do you think a depressed person looks like?

Have you ever seen someone in the store and thought to yourself, "Whoa! That person looks really depressed!"?

Do they have greasy hair?

Are they wearing sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt?

Do they have make-up on?

Depression can look different on everyone.

Just because someone still has good hygiene, wears normal clothes, and chooses to put on make-up does not mean they are not depressed.

Maybe that person with the greasy hair, sweatpants and no make-up just got done at the gym and is the farthest thing from depressed.

Mental illness takes on many faces. Mental illness cannot be determined by how one looks on the outside.

I saw this commercial on TV a couple of months ago. It touched me. I thought it was the BEST commercial I had ever seen about mental illness.

I've personally seen that the stigma attached to the illness is sometimes just as hard to deal with as the illness itself.

Their website is http://www.bringchange2mind.org/

Please take some time to visit that site.

Share the site.

"Change a mind and change a life."

Rear View

Oh yeah, baby! I'm fired up! What better way to express myself than sharing bumper stickers on hump day!! Okay, so I could give you a full on rant. For now you get a few bumper stickers.

I'm mostly fired up about the lack of COMMON SENSE! People need a serious reality check. Right now I'd like to slap them in the face and tell them to wake the fuck up!

(To clarify, the first 3 are NOT political for me.)

I've shared this one before but it needs repeating

I am really feelin' this next one too!

The next 2 I saw on a truck in the parking lot of WallyWorld this past weekend. I took pictures of them with my cell phone but I'm sure this way will be easier to read what they say. They made me LOL right there in the parking lot!

I even snorted on this first one

I felt like that during his campaign. I knew it was all shovin' sunshine up the masses asses. Guess the masses liked how it felt!

This one would be on my Grandpa's car if he were still alive today, I just know it!

Happy Hump Day!!

bumper sticker credit

Mouth's Easter Tale

The day before Easter, Mouth tells me about a story his teacher read to them. All he tells me about the story was that an egg was hidden inside the mailbox. I did what any good Mom would do, smile and say "Oh, really?!" and take mental note to hide one of his eggs in the mailbox, thinking that it will be the first place he looks.

Ha!

It never occurred to him to look there. He had one egg left. His brothers had found it and were trying to hint, I was shooing them away. I ask Mouth about the story his teacher read to them. This is what I get.

I asked again about the story, "What was it about? Tell me." You don't have to ask Mouth more than once to tell a tale. He elaborates and tells of all the places the bunny hid the eggs.

"Well...he hid them here,here,here, and here."

"And, ummmm, there, there, there and there...."

"AND, well, he hid one in the mailbox and...."

I interrupt his tale to ask, "The mailbox? He hid one in the mailbox? No way!!"

And the little light bulb goes off and...voila! He finds his last egg!

The Road to Motherhood

I hadn't even been 21 for a entire month when I found out I was pregnant. I was not married, not in a relationship. To say the positive result was a shock is an understatement. I seriously contemplated having an abortion. I wasn't ready for a baby. I wasn't responsible. I simply didn't want one, yet. I really don't know how I came to my final decision. I just know it was hard. I was easily 50/50. So it is no surprise that 4 months after he was born I was hit with feelings from the other 50% of me that wasn't ready, that really did not want a baby. It was a hard thing to come to terms with. It took a long while. I couldn't have made it through without my Mom's help. She took over when I couldn't force myself to do it any longer. Yes, I had to force myself to be a Mom. Many years later,after having 2 more babies, I know the difference between forcing oneself to be a Mom and wanting to be one and just giving fully of oneself.

Self beatings were common for years. It may be something that I'll always carry. The scars, the sadness, the guilt.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. I always have. 3 years ago I saw a Post Secret that was made out of a "It's a Boy" balloon. The secret: "When we decided to keep you your life wasn't the only one saved." That one hit me hard. It still brings me to tears. Before I became pregnant I was headed down a road that I feel I would have never survived. When I made my choice to keep him, it saved my life. I took a different road.

He is a tween now. Full of angst, attitude and issues. Like most tweens, right? But, I think he has something more going on than the average tween and I tried to get him help. We had sought out a counselor. On my 3rd meeting with him, trying to be open but feeling like he wasn't right for us, a song came on the radio while I was waiting to be seen.

It took all I could not to cry right there in the waiting room.

When I first heard the song many, many years ago it touched me and I immediately thought of my firstborn. I think of my other 2 as well but they weren't born yet. I associate the song with my boys, but especially my first son. When it came on, not only did I know I needed to stop seeing this counselor, it gave me strength to let it be okay that it wasn't a right fit for us. I felt a wave of feeling like it was all going to work out and everything was going to be alright.

"If I had just one wish

Only one demand

I hope he's not like me

I hope he understands

that he can take this life

and hold it by the hand

and he can greet the world

With arms wide open..."

It took me longer than most to realize that everything had changed. I will continue to show him love and spend the rest of my life showing him everything, with my arms wide open.

Things happen for a reason, just believe.

The Dog's Wish

I had been taking photos and sat down to change some settings and accidentally took this photo. I know it's not the best, not totally focused.

I'm sure you can see how sad and pitiful he looks. It's almost as if he is saying "I wish someone would play with me." Like he's just waiting for it to happen. He's blocking access to the backdoor. "To get through, one must play with me."

He got his wish.

I've had this post sitting in draft since the beginning of February. There is NO snow on the ground right now. I have a daffodil blooming and the tulips keep rising from the earth. Lilac bushes have tiny green leaves. SPRING IS HERE!!

Dark Cloud

Gone is gone.

No matter where they go, they are still gone.

At least it's not permanent. I do get to look forward to a return.

A return I can't get excited about. Granted it is still a LONG ways away. Some days I do look forward to it, but not so much anymore. Recently another dose of reality was forced down my throat. There is a good chance that once he returns we could only be together for 90 days before he leaves us again, for another year. I know there is nothing I can do about that possibility. There is no point in worrying over it, or even thinking about what might be. Just because there is no point, doesn't mean I don't do it.

If it's going to happen there is nothing anyone can do about it. I'm expected to suck it up and move on. I'm fucking tired of doing that.

Yet, I still do my best to live day to day, while I pretend to ignore the dark cloud that looms on my horizon. Somedays it's easier to pretend than others.

I'm a lot like Eeyore. I'm extremely pessimistic, always expecting the worst to happen in any given situation. I can't hope for the best only to be let down.

Being let down hurts too much.

So I'll continue to expect the worst.

Bring it Wampa

This young Jedi in training is ready!

I love how I can still see his face behind the blur of the "light saber." I love how the snow is flying off of his gloves. I can hear the "light saber" noise he was making.

This one's a keeper!!

Funny Shit on FB

Subject: Please Kaytabug*

Stared at your pic all night. My God, you are so fine. Please respond to this message and i'll tell you everything about me. Are you married or single. Please state.

I could wait forever.

-Funny Man*

This cracked me up. It still cracks me up. I should really respond to this Funny Man so I can thank him. He sent this on my birthday and it really just made my day!! I laughed so frickin' hard I almost peed my pants! I want to ask him if he says that to all the girls. Do I really look that desperate? Do I look like someone that would fall for your line of bullshit?

SERIOUSLY?!

*Names have been changed to protect the guilty!

Bowl Full of Laughs

I know there are folks that do not watch the Super Bowl. Yes, they do exist. Shocking, I know. My problem with this is that they are missing out on some hilarious Super Bowl commercials!!

I thought I'd share my favorites, just in case you didn't watch, or were watching and just couldn't hold it any longer and missed it.

I could NOT remember what this commercial was for until I searched for it to share!!

I LOVE Betty White!!!

I think Doritos hit a home run with all of their commercials this year.




If for some reason none of these made you laugh(I've been told I have my own brand of funny) fear not, I have something else up my sleeve. No, it is not the trailer for Hot Tub Time Machine. Which reminds me, I have not shared that awesomeness with you. No matter how many times I have watched this trailer I still LMAO!! Enjoy!!

Words

I have the mouth of a Marine. I swear too much. I swear in front of my kids, and then jump down their ass when they use cuss words that they heard me use. I understand that we have to model for our children. If you want your child to be caring and to give selflessly then let your child see you do that. Over and over again. Apply that theory to anything. I've got it.

What I don't get is when you don't say a certain word EVER. I mean Never. Ever. And then one day your child says that word. And chooses to say it in a store. In public! I'm mortified. I'm appalled! I'm disgusted. I don't know what the fuck to do. That word has never crossed my lips. I don't listen to music that contains that word. I don't watch movies with that word, not to say I haven't but not when they are awake. I know that he heard the word from another kid at school. But that does not make it okay. Nothing makes it okay.

I grabbed his face and squeezed his cheeks so hard while I talked all low and evil allupin his face that I left red marks. I was livid. I had another stern talk with him outside the store, outside of the car, my face allupin his. It is so beyond unacceptable to me. Yet, I don't know what to do.

Well, I do know one thing I want him to do. One of the things I said to him was that the word he said is a word used by racists. I asked if he knew what racist meant. He didn't. I asked if he knew what the word he said meant. No shocker, he didn't! I told him he would look the words up in the dictionary. Problem. The definition in the dictionary has words that he would have to look up to be able to understand the original word. I'm just not Johnny on the spot to come up with something on my own. I told him that it was a hateful word, disrespectful, mean, vulgar, racist and on and on. Hateful and mean was probably all he understood, which means he does not get the severity of him saying that word.

He told me the kid's name that told him the word. I didn't ask who told him. I volunteer in MM's classroom. The kid he named is the color of casper the ghost and is one of the biggest behavior problem kids in his class. This doesn't excuse a damn thing but it sure as hell explains a lot. Not only did MM get a STERN talking to, complete with asking him if he had EVER heard me or his Dad say that word. I made sure to point out that it had never crossed our lips. That it is NEVER EVER a word that is acceptable to say in any situation. I also took away his video game time for the day. Not punishment enough I tell you.

I never sat him down with the dictionary to look up the words but we will. Oh yes! We will.

Don't worry, I see the irony. Happy Black History Month to me! There should be a handbook on how to explain to your cracker kid how offensive that word really is. In words kids can understand. If it's out there, please lead me to it. Thanks.

The Dog's Advice

Luke doesn't want you to forget...

Take time to play! How could you say no to that face anyway?!

Today

(well this was supposed to be a scheduled post for midnight, somehow I unscheduled it without knowing that I did that. oops!)

Today is my birthday. Go ahead and hit play, enjoy the tune while you read.

You can help me have a good time!
Since today is my day, as a gift to me for my birthday I ask that if you are a lurker, one that stays hidden in the shadowy safety of your reader, click on through and leave me a comment today. No need to wish me a happy birthday. Just say Hi, Boo! or Fuck you! Something to let me know you read me, that you are here. Make it Anonymous, I'm not asking for your name. An itty bitty comment, that's all I want for my birthday. You could eat some cake in my honor too. I love cake. Cake and comments. All you non-lurkers, and sometimes lurkers leave me a comment too. Comment love. "All you need is love."

Thank me for the 2 ear worms, I don't care!

Have a great day because it's my day!!!

Big sloppy wet kisses!!! Muwah!

The Trek Wars

We are a family of Star Wars fans.

We have tons of Star Wars toys, light sabers, costumes, PEZ dispensers... the list goes on.

We even framed the pane of Star Wars stamps from the USPS and hung it on our wall.

I think there is some rule that you can't be a fan of Star Wars AND Star Trek.

I'm a rule breaker. I like both. I was raised to appreciate all types of Sci-Fi. So it is no surprise I want to raise my boys the same way. I had them start off with the first Star Trek movie. That was a huge flop. They all hated it, saying it was B.O.R.I.N.G.! There was about a month break before I introduced the 2nd Star Trek movie. They still remembered how much they disliked the first. The tween went so far as to say that what I was doing was a form of child abuse. He's a comedian that tween. I don't doubt that some die hard Star Wars fans would agree with him. I told him to give it a chance, that each new one we watch will be better than the last.

He didn't believe me.

Do tweens ever think that their mother knows what she's talking about? Hell no!

Does Mommy know best? Hell yes!

After the Wrath of Khan was over with, all 3 boys were begging to see the 3rd.

Mission Accomplished!

A small side note. My boys thought that Khan had man boobies.

Flixster - Share Movies

I tried to tell them that only obese men have man boobies, what they were seeing was very well developed pectoral muscles. I have the power to convince my sons to watch Star Trek and that it really is a good movie series, but I lack the power to convince them that there is a difference between man boobs and pectoral muscles.

Oh well, I can't win them all.