No matter where they go, they are still gone.
At least it's not permanent. I do get to look forward to a return.
A return I can't get excited about. Granted it is still a LONG ways away. Some days I do look forward to it, but not so much anymore. Recently another dose of reality was forced down my throat. There is a good chance that once he returns we could only be together for 90 days before he leaves us again, for another year. I know there is nothing I can do about that possibility. There is no point in worrying over it, or even thinking about what might be. Just because there is no point, doesn't mean I don't do it.
If it's going to happen there is nothing anyone can do about it. I'm expected to suck it up and move on. I'm fucking tired of doing that.
Yet, I still do my best to live day to day, while I pretend to ignore the dark cloud that looms on my horizon. Somedays it's easier to pretend than others.
I'm a lot like Eeyore. I'm extremely pessimistic, always expecting the worst to happen in any given situation. I can't hope for the best only to be let down.
Being let down hurts too much.
So I'll continue to expect the worst.
9 comments:
Grrrr... I wish I was eloquent enough to come up with something profound that would make you feel differently. But I am not eloquent. Just upset for you.
That is a beautiful picture. That camera rocks...
Love you.
ANOTHER YEAR?! I'd be upset too. That makes it kind of difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hugs to you.
[[[hugs]]]
Know that you are not alone feeling the way you do thru all of this, OK? OK?!?
Cyalayta
Mal :)
Text me. Call me. Anytime.
((((HUGS)))) You've got us, babe :)
are you kidding? where was i when this was posted???????
arrrrghhhhh... you know where to find me.
any time.
I'm super late responding to this, but just want you to know I kind of understand how you're feeling but with slightly different circumstances. Hot Brazilian left Atlanta in July 2008 and thought he'd be gone 2 or 3 months. He's still gone and has no idea when he will be back. I've seen him for one week in the past year and eight months. We are now talking about me moving to another country to be with him. It's hard. It sucks sometimes. Most of the time I'm okay with our situation but there are moments when it sneaks up on me and kicks me in the ass.
Hugs to you. If you want to talk, let me know.
I know it doesn't help, but the rest of us wonder who you do it.
Hugs to you darling.
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