I did get to hear his voice yesterday, finally!!! Phone calls from him always brighten my day.
Right now I am emotionally and mentally exhausted.
I feel like I am walking around like an empty shell.
Yesterday I had to go to the neighboring town to return some overdue books, I spent almost the entire 30 minute drive crying. When I parked the car I said to myself, Maybe I am not ready to be among the public. It all started, less than 2 minutes from my house, when I saw the back window of a vehicle that had painted on the words, "Daddy's Back Home!!" Tears started to roll and I tried to pull it together but it seemed to be one thing after another. At least I wasn't doing the Ugly cry, I would have had to pull over and stop for that. My shut off valve is broken. My emotion tank is overflowing. My stress level is through the roof. I'm scatterbrained, and at the same time feel like my brain is fried. (do those mean the same thing? I've been racking my mushy/charred brain and as far as I'm concerned, they do not have the same meaning)
This coming week has got to be better than this last one. I'm not sure how much more of this I can handle. I know, deep down or in the back of my mind somewhere, that it will get better. We will get into a new routine, a new norm, I'll cope better with my intense emotions. Things will simmer down.
Even though I know it will come, when you are in the thick of it, it feels damn near impossible and unimaginable.
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