Day 12

I'm tired. Literally and figuratively tired.
I'm tired of such depressing posts, but I am keepin' it real. I don't shove sunshine up the masses asses nor do I sugar coat anything! I am staying true to me and what is going on, how I am really, truly feeling. I'm just tired of it. Tired of feeling it too.

I really, REALLY want to give up. More than ever before, I want to give up. No matter how badly I CRAVE to give up, I know that giving up is not an option.

At work, I do have to put on a face. I have to fake it SO FUCKING HARD that I am SO FUCKING drained when I leave. I keep hoping it will get better, or easier. That it will be less of a drain. I feel like it just takes everything out of me. Fake it till you make it applies at work. I hate faking it. I hate putting on that mask and acting like all is right in my world, when it feels like NOTHING is right in my world. I do know that plenty is right in my world. I'm alive and well. So are my boys. I think my husband is. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, heat, running water... I mean the list is really long.
Perspective is a challenge, to say the least.

I'll just keep on swimming...