I just can't do "The rest of the story" yet. I guess it's still a little too fresh. I don't want to think about it, which makes it rather difficult to type out the story. Another day, but for now....
I just had one of those light bulb moments.
I was sitting here trying to figure out why I let 3 years pass without being in touch with a very dear friend of mine(a different friend than the one in the coming story). She was not the only ball I dropped. I let go of many.
We spent 3 years in Germany. And no, those are not the years I lost touch with my friends. I kept in contact with them during my time over there. Sporadic at times but I kept connected. There was a very, very close friend of mine that I had not been in touch with as much as she was used to being in touch with me towards the end of our 3 years there. But I still emailed her. There had been a couple months with no emails. I let her know when we were coming back to the states. Then there was the whole moving and settling in.
It was January, when I started getting back in touch with those I hadn't talked to in months. I had found this new thing call MySp*ce and was searching for all kinds of people. I found my very close friend on there which was somewhat of a shock, she hardly checked her email, she just was so anti-technology. I added her as a friend. And I was looking at her pictures when I saw that she had gotten married. This friend was my maid of honor at my wedding. But she was so much more than just my maid of honor, she was one of my best friends. I was crushed.
She had gotten married 9 months prior to me finding her on my-you-know-what. 9 fucking months! 9 god damn months had gone by and she never once tried to contact me to tell me she had gotten married. I know some people have shot gun weddings, run off and get married without anyone knowing. Oh no, this was not the case. Friends, family they were all there. I know I could not have been there physically, we were still in Germany and would have been flying home in 3 months for good, so I just couldn't have no matter how much I would have wanted to, and I would have WANTED TO!
It cut deep that she never told me, and that I had to find out through a fucking social network online. We emailed each other trying to work through it. I thought I had come to some kind of peace with it, but I ended up loosing touch with her after trying to repair the damage that had been done.
What I realised today was that not only did I give up on her, I gave up on all my friends. Okay, not ALL. I still stayed in touch with my 3 friends that I have been friends with since before Kindergarten and 2 friends that live where I live, but even those interactions were less.
I gave up trying to be connected. I gave up reconnecting with anyone else after being so devastated. I withdrew. Deeply withdrew. And I did so on such an unconscious level that it has taken me 2 years to figure it out. It affected me way more, way deeper than I ever thought it had.
Now my dear friend(the one at the very beginning) has just found me on a different social network. It has been 3 years since she heard from me. I feel so bad that it has been that long, that for 3 years I have been stateside, one state away from her, and I never tried to contact her. I even misplaced my one and only address book. The fact that I had not tried to contact her for all this time upset me so much that I had to go searching for why I had been so lousy. I'm glad I have figured it out. I own it. I'll work through it now and get back to staying connected to those that matter most.
9 comments:
Life takes us through seasons- don't beat yourself over this.
- Life is like a road sometimes, and people come and go on that road. Your friend could have tried to look you up too.
So, like my mom said - don't beat yourself over this. We all do it - lose touch with friends. It happens. The important thing is staying in touch with those you really want to.
The same sort of thing has happened to me over the years. I am no longer in touch with anyone from my childhood. It's sad - especially since I don't really have traditional siblings and my parents have both passed away. Sometimes it's like I'm floating through life all by myself.
I have lost touch with friends over the years, I just assumed it was normal. Kinda weird that I have found some of the 'kids' that I went to school with for K-12, I spent 13 years with these people, seems like we would have tried harder to stay in touch.
I accept what you're saying, but where were their efforts to keep in contact with you. Don't wear all the blame.
i think technology is responsible for some of the guilt.
i lost touch with just about everyone from grade school and even high school. but i watch my kids continue relationships for a loooong time -- it's easier with instant messaging, emails and texts.
at least that's my story, and i'm sticking to it!
(also... i agree that you are only allowed to take on 50 percent of the guilt here. she could have looked you up, too.)
It's funny how these things happen and life does get in the way sometimes. The friend I blogged about - well, it happened to us too. I'm glad that we are at different places now and can start fresh. Listen to wise Pamela. She said it best. :o)
I totally get this post. I beat myself up over the very same stuff all the time. I seem to only stay in touch with people if it's convenient for me. And I guess it must be the same way for them since they don't contact me either.
There are some friends I've fallen out of contact with. (Which reminds me, I was going to send a birthday card to one today or tomorrow in an effort to get back in touch!) These past couple years, I haven't kept in touch with folks in real life as much as I used to.
That's too bad about the wedding situation. I likely would have felt crushed, too.
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