My Mom is sad.
I have thought for YEARS that she is Bipolar.
She verbalized to me today that she doesn't want to be here anymore.
I thought she meant her house. Living next door to her ex-husband, my father, who has rats setting up home in his backyard, which borders hers.
I made her clarify.
I didn't like her clarification.
She told me my oldest tried to get her to promise that she would be at his High School graduation. I know no one can make a promise like that. But he sees and senses things that maybe I have been choosing to push aside. I don't think I have ignored them but I am at a loss as to how to help her. I can not force her to see a psychologist. I don't know how many years I have suggested it to her. She may actually seek out that kind of help this time. She has tried to take care of her health before for the sake of seeing her grandsons grow up. I hope she does so now.
Reality sucks. I know that she will not live forever. For years I have said that I will have to be put away when my Mom dies. Whenever I think about the reality that she will be gone someday my heart literally aches.
She just can't leave us willingly.
She wasn't suicidal. I can't help but wonder what difference there is between being suicidal and trying to off yourself or feeling so low that your don't want to be on this earth anymore and just not taking care of yourself, that in your lack of giving a fuck you slowly commit suicide by choosing to not do anything.
There isn't much of a difference, is there?
11 comments:
Will she at least talk to her family doctor for some meds that might help? How awful for you to have to deal with this. It's hard. I unfortunately know too well.
That's a tough one, and sadly, not all that uncommon. My mother just gave up after my father died, and she was dead 4 months later, she was only in her late sixties.
I hope she talks to her doctor. It could just be chemical/hormonal...Many HUGS for you!
oh sweetie. i'm so sorry. this is a heavy burden for YOU to carry as well.
love you.
If you need to talk, please email me and I'll give you my number. I can relate to what you're going through. My dad told me a couple of years ago that he would be really happy if he dies and that he never thought he'd make it past his 50's. I don't have any answers for you, but sometimes it helps to just talk about stuff like this.
Giant hugs to you.
I think there is a difference between feeling hopeless and acting on the feeling.
Hope she DOES let her DR try a new prescription.
In the meantime give her a hug from me.
We were talking about something similar a few days ago. I just don't think I'll be able to take it when I lose my mom or grandma I hope to go first - Dennis said they wouldn't be able to take it and I said it was better them than me - I just have a hard time seeing myself going without them.
I do kind of understand. I say the same exact thing in my mind all the time, the "I don't want to be here anymore." What helps me the most is simply keeping busy and getting "out there", even though I never feel up to it. Days that I don't have to go anywhere/do anything are never good days.
Do know that her feeling that way has nothing to do with you and is not your fault, and doesn't mean she doesn't want to be there for you, etc. It's just how her mind is. I'm sure she does want to be there for you and your boys, for years to come, yet trying to look past today is just too difficult. Every night I'm just surprised and relieved that I made it through another day.
Something very simple that helps the mood (and has many other health benefits) is taking a vitamin D supplement of 1000 iu's every day. It really helps.
By the way, it's not that she's choosing to not do anything, it's that she simply can't do anything. Hard to explain unless you've felt it.
I'm with Robinella and hope your mom will discuss options with her doctor. How wonderful that she'll share honestly with you, and that you can listen to her. I'll include both of you in my prayers.
Hugs and blessings,
Hi I'm here from Lisa's blog where she posted about your boobs. ;)
Anyway, I just want to say that there is a difference between being suicidal and being willing to die.
I, for one, am one of the latter. I am not suicidal. I do not think about killing myself. I do, however, think about dying. I think that, given the chance, I'd be perfectly okay with it and I would not fight it.
I know that for outsiders (meaning everyone other than the person themselves) can't necessarily know the difference between being suicidal and wanting to die. I think the only person who can truly know that is the person themselves.
Anyway, I don't mean to hijack your comments. I just thought I'd put in my input.
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