Leaving...

The first time he left we had only known each other 2 months. During the 6 months he was away our relationship developed and grew through letters and phone calls.

The second time he left there was a 14 month old little boy that had to say goodbye, not understanding why, who asked "Momma cry?" This time it was for 14 months. About half way through he came home for 2 weeks and we were married. We spent the first 8 months of our marriage apart. Letters with "real" photos inside and really expensive phone calls were what kept us connected.

The 3rd time he left we lived in a foreign country with no family or friends to lean on for support. This time there was a 6 year old little boy that understood where and why but his 9 month old baby brother had no clue what was going on. It was the shortest one, only 5 months apart but it felt like the longest. Letters were few and far between now. Instant messaging was our biggest form of communication. A month after he left I found out I was pregnant. I had to tell him on an IM. There were no phone calls. I couldn't hear the tone of his words. We had to decide through emails and IM's if we were going to keep the baby. It was the longest and hardest 5 months ever.

The 4th time he left we were still living in a foreign country. By this time I had met a few people that were a support system for me. Now there was a 7 year old boy, 2 year old boy and a 9 month old baby boy that had to say goodbye to their Daddy for a year. This time Daddy got to see his baby's First Birthday through a Web Cam. There were more IM's, practically no letters, tons of care packages sent to him from us, not even ONE phone call, a few Web Cam IM's but no video chats. Pictures were sent via email. He got to come home for 2 weeks, after 9 months, for Christmas. It made it easier seeing him off knowing it was only for 3 more months.

3 years have gone by since his last return. We've been lucky. I am preparing for the 5th time. This time I'm in my own country. 5 Hours from my Mom. I have friends that live here. There will be less expensive phone calls, and video chat not just web cam IM's, and emails and photos. This time when he leaves the boys will be 12, 6, and 5. They will all be in school full time. All capable of understanding where and why. Sure it's a full year, where everything will fall on my shoulders but I've done it before. I know I can do it again. I'll not only have the support of my Mom and my friends here, I'll have my online friends too!!!

There is one thing that will be new territory for me during his year away. I will be getting our house ready to sell. That scares me more than going a year on my own. There will be plenty of blog fodder, but will I have time to blog it? Only time will tell!